I’ll be honest. I’ve struggled with my one little word for this year. Not because I didn’t know what the word would be. I have known it. It has been whispered in the quiet moments of my life and it has smacked me upside the face in sermons and in unsuspecting conversations. I’ve known what word God was prodding me with since the middle of December but I kept thinking, “No, that can’t be it; I’ll keep watching and waiting for another”.
So, January 1st, 2014 came and went and I still hadn’t fully embraced my One Little Word for 2014. I was afraid. I still am a bit. This one word has had my head swirling and has dredged up doubt and even a mini crisis of faith. Confusion and second guessing have swarmed my head and heart because I was too scared to embrace this word.
What if it doesn’t happen?
What if it doesn’t look how I think or want it to?
What if I’m let down at the end of 2014?
These fears, doubts really, have swirled in my head as I pushed this One Little Word away. Last year’s word wasn’t difficult; it was actually obvious and I instantly jumped at it.
Who wouldn’t want to slow things down, create order from chaos and make simple what seems overwhelming?? I certainly wanted those things. As God prompted me and showed me where simplifying in my life needed to occur, I grew in my faith; I grew in my love for Him and I saw the evidence of His work in my life last year. All through keeping present the word, Simplify.
This year’s word is something I desperately want and need in many areas of my life not just the most obvious one.
God keeps prodding me with the word HEALED.
This word struck a chord in me – and not in a good way. It shook me. After having lived with a chronic illness – and the roller coaster and turmoil THAT brings to life – for 22 years, I am certain that deep down I believed healing wasn’t possible for me.
Healing came to other people.
To be healed seemed too out of reach for me. I’ll be honest, there is a part of me that thinks it still does seem too far out of reach. Thus, the internal conflict of having this as my word for 2014.
Yet, God has continually reminded me that I must have faith as small as a mustard seed. That I must step out of the boat.
I can put my trust in man and the medical community… or I can put my trust in Him.
Having the word HEALED as my OLW for 2014 scares me still. As I write this, even. Yet, there is an excitement that is bubbling up in me deep down to see where and how God will work. I know I’ve got to do the work He calls me to do on this journey but I’m ready.
Perhaps, this word is not meant for my physical illness. My hope is that it is. Yet, I must consider God doesn’t work in MY limitations.
Perhaps, this word – HEALED – is about so much more than a chronic illness.
Perhaps, this word is meant for something that isn’t even on my radar yet. But it’s on God’s.
And I have to trust that.
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” – John 5:6